Ode to Great-Grandpa

How do you explain death to a 3 year-old? Great-Grandpa passed away recently; my husband's grandfather. He was a sweet old man who loved to laugh, loved his family, and packed a lot of living into his 90 years. He loved my son, and my son loved him. Now he's gone, and the little guy hasn't quite grasped the concept yet.

We attended the memorial service this past weekend. In trying to prepare the munchkin for the event, I explained that Great-Grandpa had died and we were having a party to celebrate his life and to say good-bye. Of course, the mention of the word "party" led to a 10-minute discussion about cake. I explained to him that it wasn't really that kind of party, but it's tough to talk a 3 year-old out of thinking about cake. When we finally got back to the subject of death, we got to the inevitable "why?" Here's where I floundered a bit; how to explain that death is the inevitable outcome to life without scaring him into believing that all his loved ones will start dropping like flies. I pointed out that Great-Grandpa was really, really, really old (one "really" for each generation. Momma's only really old), and that the older you get, the harder it is for your body to fix itself. I told him that Great-Grandpa's heart was worn out from giving out so much love for so many years. I told him that Great-Grandpa loved and missed Great-Grandma so much, and now that he got to know his great-grandchildren and make sure that they were okay, he was going to be with her. Basically, I just talked until he stopped looking at me with his mouth half-open and got distracted by a bug crawling across the ground.

At the service, he handled himself pretty well. Despite some pre-warning that people might be sad, he was concerned when Grandma and Auntie were crying. "Don't worry, Momma. I'll make them happy." (He did run up and give them hugs immediately after the service.) During the portion of the service where people were invited to share their thoughts, he insisted on putting in his two cents. Of course, when we got to the front of the room he hid behind the program he was clutching, but the thought was there. What he had wanted to say was that he loved his Great-Grandpa a lot, and was going to miss him. I won't be surprised if he wonders where Great-Grandpa is next time we go to visit Grandma, but that's just part of missing someone. Death is a really hard concept to grasp. For all of us. Good-bye, Bill Oddleifson. We will miss you. Thanks for everything.