I knew I would catch some flack for it. I was pretty sure my husband wouldn't be thrilled by the idea, but I was curious to see how it would all play out. When we were visiting with kiddo's bestest friend in the whole world and she decided to put on one of her princess dresses, my boy decided he wanted to be a "beautiful prince." So he went to her dress-up closet and managed to pull out the most gauzy, floaty, sparkly, fuzzy-trimmed pink confection of a dress he could possibly find. Despite my convictions on gender neutrality in play, I found myself asking if he realized that "usually" only girls wore dresses. He gave me his standard "I know, Momma" (this kid apparently knows everything), so I helped him put it on.I'm pretty sure my son won't suffer any negative long term consequences from trying on a dress. Some may disagree (my husband grumbled something about a "slippery slope"), but I don't believe that letting my son wear a pink tutu will make him gay. If you do disagree, maybe you could tell me this: how long would he have to wear it before the homosexuality seeps in? On hour? Five? Or would he have to try it on multiple times? For the record, I don't care if he is gay or not - I just don't believe that pink gauze & sequins hold that kind of power. And I'm sure that most people would agree with me. So the question then becomes, why are we so hyper-vigilant about our sons engaging in typically female play? Are we worried about it making them "girly?" And what does that actually mean? Thanks to the feminist movement, parents rarely worry about their daughters playing with cars, or playing sports. Unfortunately, there has been no mainstream equivalent to feminism for men. Do we really de-value stereotypical feminine characteristics that much? Would the world be worse off if men as a whole were more emotionally intelligent?
More nurturing? Had better communication skills? Enjoyed romantic comedies? I think not. So I say, if your son wants to wear pink, or try on a dress, or play with dolls, let him. Let him walk a mile in kitten heels. Children are naturally curious. To deny them opportunities to explore simply places limits on their perspective & understanding.I, for one, do not want to place those kinds of limits on my kid. This wasn't about gender roles or sexuality. It was about never having worn sequins before. It was about trying something new. It was about wanting to be a part of whatever his best friend was doing. Once in their dresses, they climbed up the ladder to the rope bridge, clambered across, slid down the slide, attempted the monkey bars. Rolled on the grass. Played "bus." He shot at bad guys with his umbrella. All of it normal, natural kid stuff. And they looked damn good doing it.
letting a little boy wear a dress/ play with gender boundaries is really only going to make him a more self confident and well-rounded person in the long run. gender identity and sexuality aren't tied as closely as people think, and a little kid who is allowed to play with gender norms is one that will be able to do whatever he wants without being scared that he's being seen as "weak" or gay because his idea of masculinity isn't tied to the idea of "not-being-feminine"/how others view him in general.
ReplyDelete-tawnee!
Genius, Tawn! I think maybe I should have let you write my blog for me on this one.
ReplyDeleteSliding down a slide in a sequins dress sounds like something everyone should do once in their life - whether you're male of female. There is a gay comedian (I forget his name), who has a funny bit about when he supposedly may have "turned" gay. He said it may have been when his parents told him not to play with his sister's Barbies (afraid of the slippery slope) and instead put a He-Man doll in his hand. He asked the audience if they ever realized how gay those muscular Masters of the Universe figurines looked. I must say, I never did until he pointed it out. :)
ReplyDeletelet him play! in the playgound in his dress, at the grocery store, everywhere. If your "hubby" or others give you the "hairy eyeball"...just say..."We're hoping that he will be gay." Hell, just say that to Cam every once in a while.
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