Transferrable Skillz

Let me just say off the top here that I never aspired to be an at-home parent. My mother stayed home with my sister, brother and I until we were all in school. I saw how hard she worked and how little external validation she got. It's not like any of us pulled her aside at the end of the day and said "Great job parenting today, Mom. I really liked how you handled the blankie situation, and your mediation of the cookie debate was truly inspired." No, we absolutely took her for granted, assuming that because she had always taken care of our needs, that it was her singular role in life. I'm sure if you asked her today she would say that it was her most important, and most rewarding job, as would any parent. But let's be honest here - I've had some irrational, demanding bosses in my time, but none of them can hold a candle to a 2-3 year-old.

I suppose I decided to stay home with my son out of a mixture of love and arrogance. I knew in the large scheme of life, a few years would go by in a blip. I didn't think it possible that someone else could love him as much as I do, or manage his life the way that I wanted it done. I figured I would never have the chance again to spend such an intense period of time with my child, and I'd be foolish not to take it, if possible. This was the decision for me and my family. Some mothers need to work shortly after giving birth either for financial reasons, or for reasons of their own sanity, and I fully support this. The great thing about living in the 'free world' is that we have the freedom to make whatever choices best suit our families. Now that my son is almost 4 and in Preschool, I'm starting to feel the itch to return to the outside working world. Due to the difficult nature of my pregnancy (I have subtitled it "280 Days of Puking") I haven't worked in almost 5 years. Some months went faster than others. Some phases have dragged on beyond reasonable limits, but for the most part the 5 years have blown by.

From my employment counselor days, however, I know that 5 years is a long break to have in one's employment history. As much as we want to honour a parent's choice to stay home with his/her child, in reality it can be difficult for a parent to make the jump back into the paid work force. There seems to be the unspoken worry that being at home with kids can make you soft; make you lose your edge. Nothing could be farther from the truth, at least in my case. For instance, I used to have a hard time saying no. Now, I say it at least 20-30 times per day. I am better at delegating and multi-tasking. I have honed my skills in conflict resolution and crisis management. I can stare into the eye of the beast - the screaming, red-faced beast - and retain my composure. I just need to figure out how to get these skills onto my resume, and coax a good reference out of my kid (did someone say chocolate cake?).

No Worries

I read somewhere that worrying is like riding a stationary bicycle - it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere. I worried quite a bit in my youth, and I think the fear of what might happen kept me from enjoying things that were actually happening in the moment. Over the years, I've trained myself to stop worrying - or at least to worry less. However, when you have a child, that can open you up to a whole new class of worries. So when Offbeat Mama (one of my new favourite sites) linked to an NPR article by Meagen Voss entitled "5 Worries Parents Should Drop, And 5 They Shouldn't" I was curious to see what I could cross off my list.

According to the book Ms. Voss references in her article (The Paranoid Parents Guide by Christie Barnes), the top 5 worries parents have are: kidnapping, school snipers, terrorists, dangerous strangers and drugs. I'm proud to say that I don't spend a lot of time worrying about any of these things However, my son's only 4; I have plenty of time to worry about snipers and drugs later on. The top 5 things that do hurt or kill children are: car accidents, homicide by someone known to them, abuse, suicide and drowning. So fine; know your kid, know the significant people in his life, instill him with self-esteem and self-efficacy, make him wear his seatbelt, and make sure he learns how to swim. Bases covered, right? But what about my other worries? Like the fact that I'm probably doing something or will do something that will give him major issues later on and land him in years of therapy? Or the worry that he's just too damn cute for his own good, and that could land him in trouble someday? Or that someone, somewhere is eventually going to break his heart, and there's nothing I can do about it? I suppose that's the crux of it - there's nothing I can do about it. Which reminds me of another saying floating around somewhere in the dark reaches of my brain: Why worry? If you can do something about it, do it and stop worrying. If you can't do anything about it, what's the point in worrying?

I'm a parent and I'm a human. I'm going to make mistakes. The best I can do is love my kid and make the choices that feel right for us. Worrying only undermines my belief in myself, or worse - my son's belief in himself. So go ahead buddy, climb that rock wall. Ride down that huge hill on your bike. Just wear your frickin' helmet, alright?